"The Talk"

My whole life I have been a shocker when it comes to confrontation or any kind of serious discussions. So bringing up the 'talk' about where we were at with the ttc thing with my fella wasn't easy for me.
The 1 year thing did affect me more than I care to admit and then getting AF the next day didn't exactly help.

I knew I had to say something for sake of my sanity if nothing else. I just asked if he would consider getting tested (all the while trying my best not to starting crying like I always do!). At first he was like well what's the point? If my 'balls' are not working then they're not working? He wasn't exactly defensive about it but wasn't that receptive to supplying a sample to say the least. So pretty much I just left it at that for then but did point out that it had been 1year and he also pointed out that we don't 'do it' enough so maybe have bad timing. I agree with him there and hope he gets to be a bit more enthusiastic in that dept lol.
I think he's probably a bit worried that he's the problem but I did make sure that, that wasn't what I thought at all. Anyway that was the first talk. Which I must point out he did say he would get tested if I really wanted him to.

The next talk or brief exchange may be a better description as really we're not the type of couple that has long talks about anything but more like mini discussions over longer periods of time....usually with an element of jest and joke involved.
I digress...
Anywho the nest talk which happened yesterday. Went like this....
Him - My balls might not be working!! (totally out of nowhere)
Me - I never said I thought that they weren't though
Him - I know
Me - It might just be as simple as us (big emphasis there!) taking some sort of vitamens to help it along.
Him - what if they don't work?
Me - well there's IVF (insert story of recently preg friend and IVF)
Him - how much does that cost?
Me - Thousands!! But there's something else you can do which is cheaper (meaning IUI but I called it AI which is what they do to cows lol gotta keep it in the farmers perspective!).
Him - Well that sounds like what we should do then (meaning if we can't do it ourselves!)

See why long talks don't work. This guy, I am realising with time, needs small conversations in which he goes away and digests thinks about and returns to later. This second talk went a lot better than the first. At least I feel he's open to options now.
I did go on to explain we could get IVF publicly funded but wouldn't probably get it because he smokes. Then he wanted to know what would happen if we found out he had no sperm at all....I just replied that was pretty rare and that if it happened maybe we'd adopt or I don't know!! God that's just far too far fetched for me right now. I think its unlikely he's making nothing at all!

So in amongst all that I emailed my Mum's naturopath lady but am still waiting to hear back...which is quite frustrating to be honest. I just want to get this ball rolling. I've decided to go down that track and get myself tested maybe over the summer hols or in the next couple mths. I've also decided that I have planted the seed with the fella about testing and will leave it at that until April next year unless a) I found out that I have issues or b) he decides to get tested. Otherwise I will continue to try naturally and use opks religiously and see how we get on.
At least then in April his work will have lessened and he'll have time to get tested and whatever else we have to face.

And yep that's it for now.....

Positives for today - I may have AF but it means I can enjoy a drink at the halloween party I'll got to next weekend.
And this weekend is a long weekend (Labour Day) and I'm going to shop till I drop on Saturday, Look out credit card!!!