I am over it.
Cycle god knows what flippin number is down the toilet (ha literally). I started spotting this afternoon. AF will be here in the morning. The cramps have started. I was supposed to have a brazilian this afternoon now it will just be my brows and thighs.
Fuck. It.
I wanna cry but know that crying can't, won't, doesn't change anything. Crying doesn't stop my period. Crying doesn't get me pregnant. Crying doesn't help fix the problem.
I'm going home tonight and I'm going to push the fella for his SA. At this point I don't care if I have to take a sick day off work, escort him the 2hrs to the lab, rent a motel and pull 'it' myself I bloody well will.
I NEED to know where we stand. I have no idea what I will do when we know where we stand - that bridge can be crossed later but I need to know. I need to eliminate some stress from my life. I need to eliminate the hope if that's how its going to be. I can't live in this limbo land anymore. I can't spend each cylce hoping that some miracle will happen.
I'm going to home to start giving him his vitamins again. ANYthing to try and improve this situation. I can't do this for another cycle, this hope and despair.
I can't face life without kids. I can't even think of not having kids. I can't even think of my life continuing the way it is.
This is supposed to be a fun thing. An exciting time.
This shite sucks!
:-( I feel your pain so much. Credit to you for having the patience that you have for this long - it is time to dig a little deeper. Get him tested first and go from there. Wish there was more that I could offer you and make it even a tiny bit better. It isn't fair and it isn't logical. I could just wrap you up in one giant cuddle right now. Xxxxxx
ReplyDeleteThanks so much GS. Just knowing that you're thinking of me is enough. I'm feeling alot better now just having vented that all out.
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