September 2008

It happened in September 2008. The fella and I were holidaying in Adelaide visiting one of his friends from school. We had been having a WONDERFUL time. It was a Saturday night and our last in Adelaide before heading back to Melbourne for a few more days with Fella's mum then home to NZ. The boys were on the piss (there's just no other way to put it). I had gone to bed thinking that one of use best be in fit state to fly the next morning.

I wasn't really sleeping much because the boys are really loud and the music was blaring. It was 3am and my cell rang. It was our neighbours in NZ. My heart dropped. The dog? The house? what could have gone wrong?

I answer the phone and our poor neighbour had to tell me the following news. He said "Um he's ok but M (the tennant / friend living in our sleepout) has tried to shoot himself". Those words FLOORED me. Again the friend said he was ok and that he was on his way to hospital and that the police had the gun. The gun? Oh f##K the gun...the friggin gun that wasn't locked away like it should be. My next question was about the dogs (I know...stupid..but I think that fact that M was taken care of meant practicality took over). Then the friend went on to say that the police had also taken care of cleaning the house. WHAT???? Professional cleaners were coming to clean MY house and that M had done this in MY house.

At this point the conversation ended and I didn't. know. what. to. do.
The fella was drunk. There was no way I could tell him then. So I had to keep the news to myself for something like 5 hours. 5 FRICKN HOURS. I didn't sleep. I felt sick. I felt numb. I was terrified. I was horrified. I wanted to know why? I was angry.

5 hours later I had to break the news to the fella. He took it like a man. He wasn't worried about the gun issue. He was worried about M. He knows what it feels like to be in that place. I do not.
More phones home ensue. M is in forced coma and very lucky to live. No body really knows what happened.
We get back to Melbourne. Fella's neice is there too and finds out that her fella was with M that night. They were drinking and M got mad, tried to crash his car. They tried to calm him, thought they succeeded and left. He invaded our space, searched out the gun (which was VERY well hidden and in pieces), searched out the bits that make it go and sat on our back door step. You can guess the rest.

2 days later at midnight after driving directly from the airport we arrive home. I make the fella go in first. He delicately informs me that we can get new carpet. I lose it. Like I've never lost it before. I'm sobbing and gulping for air. I can't look at my carpet. i feel sick. We got to bed. The next day neither of us want to be at home so we go visit friends. My house feels strange. It takes a few days for us to settle in. I scrub the floor till I can't any more (thankfully we didn't need to get new carpet the 'evidence' faded quickly). This whole time I still struggle to forgive and to understand.

During this the fella has to see the police about the gun being where someone could get it. Never mind that person who invaded our space and stole the gun. Stupidly the fella's gun license has lapsed (stupid stupid) so he has to go to court. He is given a gun related charge. He is given a suspended sentence. We are very lucky.

September 2008. Not a nice time in my life.

M made a full recovery. He never returned to live with us but instead returned to his home in the UK. He apologised. He was diagnosed with alcohol-related depression. Fella and I disagree. We saw his behaviour before that and think its more than that. He left and we haven't really heard from him since. To this day I still get upset. As someone who has been brought up by parents who lost MANY friends this way and was taught it was not an option, I find it hard to understand.
His actions changed not only his life but ours as well. Please realise I know other people feel differently on this topic. And don't get me wrong I also felt incredible bad for M. Bad that he got to that point where he thought that was his only option. Bad because we weren't there when he needed us.

Because of what happened with the gun it is highly likely that the fella may not be allowed into many other countries. That holiday could possibly be our last together overseas. That said I haven't done much research into this either. Again haven't done much research but I'd imagine an adoption or foster agency is going to look at the mention 'gun' in background checks and deny us straight away. It doesn't matter the story behind it. The name of the charge doesn't tell the story behind it.
Getting pregnant is probably our one chance.

I've moved on now. But I needed to share that story. Like I said I know it is a hot topic and one each person has their own opinion on. I respect that.