I'm feeling a little overloaded with pregnant people. Those who are currently in the family way please do not be offended as its more relative to the real life pregnant people I know.
FB is the root of evil some times. I can't help but use it however I also can't believe how FB has become almost like the law of the land in some ways. Like if you heard it on FB it has to be real and everything you do has to be on FB. FB is great in many respects. I love it for being able to keep in touch with all my beloved overseas friends. I don't love watching my cousins pregnancies develop step by step.
Case in point. The last 24hrs has seen a lengthy status update from cousin 1 announcing the arrival of baby girl. An update that exudes smugness that she doesn't even know she posesses and it only evident to those fertility challenged people. Cousin 1 today then uploads picture with another lengthy note dripping with how wonderful her child is. Then there's cousin 2. This one bites quite hard. She's the one who had a MC then get pregnant next cycle. She's the one who's like my sister. We grew up best of mates. Today there are her maternity pictures everywhere. She's due in about 20 days.
Yes. I'm jealous. I'm ok to admit that. I just need to scream. I think I might need to have a good old talk with me mum. She always makes me feel better. We haven't really spoken about 'thing' for awhile. There's nothing to tell so why bother and I know that once I get started I'll end up a sobbing mess on the phone so I always try to sound all blaise about it, a bit airy fairy, nochalant. Its hard to be like that but as much as I always can talk to my mum the initial is hard for me. For some reason I find it hardest to speak about the things that hurt me most. Prime examples being 1) the break up with the Fella a few years back where after a week I finally emailed them because I was just too devastated and knew I wouldn't even be able to open my mouth without crying 2) the attempted suicide of the the flatmate where we'd arrived back in the country, I'd even spoken to them in transit driving home but didn't tell them because I wanted to be home and assess the situation and I really just didn't know how to say it....unfortunately my grandmother told them before I'd had a chance...oops.
Anyway point being I need to speak in person to someone and actually speak. Not glide over my feelings or laugh it off. I need to verbalise it and let the tears fall. Blogging it is one thing but speaking it is another.
Oh well life goes on. We're off away tomorrow - heading to a wedding after party - so there'll be a couple hours in the car to discuss some serious business.
Happy day all - thanks for reading.
Hey Kiwi,
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking today that it seems like I've been getting hit over the head with babies. A friend on facebook is on her 23rd week of her pregnancy and every post she puts up is about her pregnancy. And then I was hanging out with my friend today, who is currently 6 weeks pregnant (a pregnancy she achieved the first month attempting, after achieving a similarly easy conception of her previous child) and all she could talk about when we discussed mutual friends was "oh, ya so-and-so, who has a kid, is doing blah blah blah" then "that other person, who's wife is pregnant, is busy with blah blah blah".
I mean, I know that a child changes one's life, but I really don't need to hear about how basically ALL of our old classmates have children or pregnancies while I have NO-THING. Nothing. Nada. Zip.
I'm sorry you're feeling surrounded. I know blogging isn't the same as a real-life-conversation, but I'm sending you a virtual hug all the way from the States!
*HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGIES!*