A dream and some discussion

This morning I was treated to a dream or nightmare rather where yet another friend announced she was pregnant. This left me as the ONLY one not pregnant. I got that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach which lasted well after I woke up and it took me an age to remember that it was a dream and wasn't true (fark I hope it doesn't come true!). Clearly this is my big fear..that I will be the only one left.

Anywho upon waking the Fella and I somehow got into a conversation about testing again. Again he asked what would happen if his test came out fine and I had the issue? I told him (and I meant it) that I would be absolutely ok with that and that infact it is my preferred outcome. Why? Because at least then I have control over the next steps then. He wanted to know why I don't just go and get more testing done and I told him any specialist will want to test him too. I told him that he might have millions of sperm but if they're swimming in circles then that's no good. I also said that if the issue isn't him then we have to look at actually attempting more sex at the right time than we do now.

So I've planted that seed...provided more information for him to digest. I refuse to get upset and frustrated about this right now. We're making an effort for him to follow the naturopaths plan for him. The fact that he's asking about this and wanting to know why I'm not pregnant is huge gains from a year and half ago. I sense he's more on this 'bus' than he cares to mention because being who he is to show he cares that much wouldn't be the done 'man thing'.

I know some reading this will be thinking "if it were me...." or "I don't why you haven't...." or "I can't believe you've put up with this...." and I totally get that. However every relationship is different and I know from being with this guy for the past 5 or so years that jumping up and down yelling, screaming, fighting and throwing a fit will not work. It just won't. As a rule we don't argue, as in argue where both of us are pissed off kind of arguing. We definately have differences in opinion which we sort out. But arguing / fighting is not part of how we do things because with us that achieves nothing. I've learnt when to push it and when not to...him not so much as he still winds me up lol. This is why I take some solace in the fact he's willing to talk about the issue, a year ago he didn't want to hear it. When I quit the pill he was reluctant but I put some pressure on because he was plotting this path for his life and I pointed out that I also had things I wanted (like kids) so he agreed to it.

Anywho novel over. I REALLY need to get my house sorted so when I have my hangover which hopefully isn't too much of a hangover tomorrow I can have it in peace and the knowledge that my house is clean!