Meh

I am this [] close to hiding my cousin on FB. Like I've said in the past if she wasn't almost like a sister I probably would. Today is her birthday and today she had her scan and found out the sex of her baby. As usual I hate that I'm so jealous and that it hurts some much. I am happy for her but in the same breath I had that yet another person in my life is crossing over to that realm I have no experience in. I can't relate.
I don't need a massive scan picture blasting me in the face right now. It hurts.

Ok I've said my piece now. I can carry on with my night. School's out for 2wks. I plan to enjoy it.


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So had better update. I posted a happy bday msg to said cousin on FB and asked about the sex. She PM me as her brother didn't want to know. Its a boy which just adds to the second cousin overload of boys lol. Anyway we chit chatted for a bit then she asked if JB and I were trying. I took the opportunity and told her that yes we had been for 2 years, that it was hard. I was very honest. She'd lost a baby right before falling pregnant again so at least she has some idea. She asked why it hadn't happened so I told her our story. It felt good to get it out. It feels good to have her know. A relief. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt but it's a relief she knows its hard.