My imgainary symptoms have disappeared and I feel like my normal self today so that's good. I'm glad. I really did not want to spend the next 7 or so days paranoiding about it all. I much prefer to live my life in ignorance in the 2ww.
And lets face it...I've given up hope. Ok theres a teeny weeny little bit of hope stacked away somewhere but for the most part hope has gone from my life.
Last night the fella and I got into a conversation about it all which unfortunately got cut short because I had to dash off to a meeting. Anyway he mentioned something (in his jovial, I like to joke about everything way) about how perhaps we're going to have to try some different positions or something to get the sperm to get right up there (men...honestly!) because he thinks his swim the wrong way lol. I just pretty much laughed told him he needed to get tested. He's pretty sure his sperm aren't performing. Here's hoping he goes and gets tested soon. Like I said we couldn't carry on the convo cos I had to dash out.
He blows me away though. One day he couldn't give 2 tosses about children, doesn't want to know about them or ttc. The next day he's like he was last night. He's a perplexing fellow.
Anywho that wasn't what this post was supposed to be about! Pretty much I have chickened out on the Facebook reveal. Even the 'note' idea I had. I cleared out my friends list a while back so pretty much everyone who's on there as my friend is there because I don't mind sharing my life with them BUT that doesn't mean they're close close friends. One of them is my mum and although she knows I don't want her sympathy or her to think I'm feeling worse off than I am. Some are younger people too who don't really need to know. I just can't do it. Not right now. And if that makes me a bad fertility challenged person then so be it.
I don't think it makes you a bad fertility challenged person at all. I am also inclined to think that these coming out things also need to be a joint decision. One person may be carrying the burden of bits not working quite right but it affects both parties and I think both people need to be comfortable with the idea of sharing that level of intimacy with the world. I know my DH is an incredibly private person and would never approve of a public announcement. Hence, my journey was shared only with a few close friends IRL who spawned from blogging or forum posting so that I could get the support I needed. I think also for you, until you you're both thoroughly tested then it makes it hard to throw things out there when you won't necessarily be able to answer the questions which may be forthcoming about your situation.
ReplyDeleteNot making a public announcement doesn't make you a bad fertile challenged and it doesn't mean you don't support the cause. It also doesn't mean you won't ever go down that path. You will know if/when the time is right for you both. Your bodies and your lives. Xxx