Neurotic

Neurotic is my new pet word.

I go through phases of having pet words or phrases. Neurotic is my new one. Good grief is my latest phrase too. I went through a period of using 'absolutely' to death there for a while. And sometimes it doesn't matter how hard I try to stop using 'x' word I just can't help myself.

And yes I do realise I am a blogging whore right now. I'm not sure if that even makes sense but its the term I'm using for barely posting for a long time then posting daily just because I'm finally in a tww. Please note the term blogging whore only refers to myself and its not what I think of other bloggers.

I truly didn't realise that this waiting thing would actually be that hard. Honestly. I thought hey I've done this shit loads of times. You just get on with life and then hello two weeks has gone by and period has arrived. Maybe its cos I've got a blood test to have so that's constantly on my mind. All the remembering that comes with knowing on Saturday 'x' date I've got to shoot to the city (2hrs one way) to spend 5 mins getting blood taken BEFORE 9am. It so happens that on that same Saturday I have a netball 'thing' to take part in after lunch so I can't really even dally and look at the shops.

Anyway this whole getting on with life thing ain't working out like I expected. I'm 8dpo today and its draaaaaging on. I'm so so tempted to pee on something but I know that its too early. And besides the tests I got only test from day of missed period. Didn't really think that through now did I.

According to my phone app though my period is due Friday so I could test then. At the start I was quite gunho in thinking that yes I would pee on something. That I wanted to find out like hundreds of other people around the world by peeing on a stick and THEN having a blood test. Now I'm waning a little. I'm a tiny bit (ok I lie I'm hugely) scared that I'm not going like what the pee shows me. And I think that just like the 2ww I haven't really prepared myself for the reality of that yet. I purposely haven't. I'm not thinking past the blood test right now. In fact I can't even imagine my reaction for EITHER result. Hence why I think I need to pee on the stick so that when the phone call comes I'm prepared. I'm either going to know it went wrong and would've done the dealing with it (while driving to get that blood test) or know its possibly worked and well would've had the time to conceal my delight because I know that those results will come through while I'm around other people.

Am I even making sense?

Moving on...

Upon analysis I've decide that the cramps I'm feeling, that I've been having since day one aren't usual for me. Yeah sure I'd expect some around the time my period is due but not daily the entire tww. Don't ask me if that's good or bad I'm just putting it out there. And gas. Good god it just never stops. I wake up and the Fella tells me how I've farted ALL NIGHT LONG. Seriously? How unattractive. Not that I'm one to hold it in around him but still hardly reason to wanna just someone in the morning is it.

Back to these cramps - a few times I've also had funny spasm when laughing or coughing its like a sharp pull across my lower stomach.

Still I can't believe that it means anything. Really I shouldn't be experiencing anything yet if there's going to be anything to experience. Surely not.

I'm sure next week when AF arrives I'm going to look back and think what a neurotic bitch you are!