Totally just wasted a whole day - 3 days left and I'm back at work virtually full time. I wasted the day and I blame the weather. Its windy again and cloudy in the morning - I'm so a morning person and need it to be stunning to get me motivated when I'm not working. Now its stunning and I should've mowed the lawn or something. At least I cleaned the house I guess and got in a nap on the lazy-boy.
Anywho.
In the tww. Oh yay the joy of it. I ov'd cd14 so we're heading into a perfect cycle. Gotta love that.
My whole life feels like one big wait. I just feel like I'm waiting for something magical to happen. Its a dumb kind of feeling. I had this little private panic this morning. Work is on again and we still haven't got that goddamn test done! And all I could envision was us getting to Xmas and still be stuck in the same place. I can't stay stuck here. I can't get to three years and have no answers.
Last night I asked when we might get this test done and he said maybe tomorrow (as in today) but then today came and we didn't go do it. Granted he's been sick, like rather sick for him so probably not such a good time. So now its another term with no answers. Great. I'm going to get to my April appt with Felicity and still not be pregnant and she'll want to know why. I realise we have only ourselves to blame here. We're in control of what we do and the testing and all that.
I guess I'm packing a sad because we're even having to do this shit in the first place. Why can't it just happen? Miracles happen so why can't it happen for us.
Hmmm yeah if you're reading this you know what its like.
TMI alert! Am experiencing a wee bout of yeast a plenty down there. Got a pill with cream to take but then read not to take it if ttc. What would you do? I'm using the cream externally because well I have to clear it up somehow - its not that bad and the cream might work over a few days but I don't want it to get worse and well it is just enough to be annoying.
Grrrrr.
Might go google it.
Ah, the times of miracles. Some times I think they are just nice stories to learn from but not real enough for us to actually have them ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI find each month that sneaks by shouldn't "bother" me but alas I know we are not there but I still end up having about 48 hours of what ifs and maybe this time thoughts.
While I have not been commenting in a quite a long time (too long! sorry about that) I think we have been on a pretty similar journey in the mean time.