The other night I woke up at 4.30am stressing about the day to come (my netball team was having a tournament to raise money and it was meant to snow). I jumped up and looked out the window and thankfully there wasn't snow but despite this assurance I couldn't go back to sleep no matter how hard I tried. And of course my mind started to wander to getting pregnant (doesn't it always?!) and it suddenly dawned on me why I'm so bothered by this.
I've been trying to pin-point WHY I feel so wretched about the whole thing when everyone around me isn't. I realised that all my life I have worked and achieved the things I have really wanted. I wanted to be a teacher and I became a teacher. I worked and did well at school and university. I got a job and a man. I haven't ever really had any major disappointment in my life or a point where I just have not achieved or got what I've wished for......until now. Now I am finding it hard to get pregnant. I wanted to get pregnant months ago heck almost a year ago! And I haven't and its all out of my control. I can't study harder, or work harder or save more money to change this...it just is. Yes some of it is in my control - I could go to the doctor and get tests done but right now that's not a track I'm going to take.
What I really need to do and ignore what it seems like everyone else is doing with their life, ignore status updates on FB where it seems EVERYONE is either engaged, married or having a baby and take my life back. I need to do things in my own time and stop putting pressure on myself to do this. It will happen when its meant to happy.
Lol I say this now at the beginning of the tww when I'm pleased because we DTD finally but watch in a couple weeks when AF arrives!!
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