1 more pop

I got the results of the pregnancy test today.

Pfft pregnancy test. What pregnancy? As we all knew it was not positive.

And what worries me is that I haven't made peace with that like I normally do. I'm so fricking angry and I'm struggling to keep it in check.
I'm sad. I'm grumpy. I can't think of anything else. I'm full of hate. I don't even want to hang out with my netball team this weekend. Because they're going have drinks in the van on the way home and I don't want to/ can't drink right now. I will likely lose my lolly if I do and its not going to help my chances if I fry the eggs with alcohol.

I'm not interested in doing anything or going anywhere. All I want to do is hide in my house (which by the way has underfloor insulation and is much warmer)and play in my garden and just be at home.

I really hope this fog lifts soon. I'm sure it will once we get into the next round of treatment.

Speaking of which there is one more round before our review.

I think that's what's upsetting me. The next step is IVF. And that's scary. And taxing emotionally and physically. And just plain old terrifying.

What if next time doesn't work and thats out last resort and it doesn't work??

What am I going to do?

Seriously WHAT am I going to do?

I think that's what's got me so fustrated.

BUT I have to think positively don't I. This will work eventually. Or they will find out why not and then we'll be ok too.

Glass half full. Glass half full!!