The Madness is Looming

Tis the eve of the blood test marathon.

This time I'm indignant. Does that sound right or make sense? I mean I care of course but I'm just going on with life. Makes sense doesn't it? I'm just planning around the blood tests. I know the routine. I get up at the crack of dawn drive miles get drawn and drive miles again. I know well what to expect. I have contingency plans for life to carry on while I experience this little bit of madness. I actually have to keep reminding myself that I actually have to have these tests done!!

And as far as the sem well I don't really think about that until I get to that point. I just hope like crazy it doesn't drag too long into the week.

As far as the sem I'm even actually excited about that. Amazing how far I've come in a 3 short months. I've gone from being terrified, to ok, to excited. Maybe its the fact that each time the odds grow. Especially using donor sperm because its pretty clear how 'good' it is and in terms of me they tell me my levels are all what they should be and my body is performing as it should its just a matter of time.

3rd time I hope. The odds say I have around a 50% chance this time.

Anyway that's that.

I totally have shit to blog about during the week and now for the life of me cannot remember what it was. Dang it. Guess it was the usual shit. Need to lose weight before I get pregnant and a giant lol. Back on to calorie counting its just the exercise that's holding me back. I've been doing some early mornings at work to get back into the swing of things. And to be honest in my current position as team leader I think its just how its going to have to be because there is just no time to do planning once the school day is over. I always end up doing other crap and then school work comes home with me...like this weekend and now I'm blogging instead of working haha. Bringing work home is not good for my life. The Fella commented the other day that I'm ALWAYS working or have shit to do. And he's right. Its taking over my world and I suffer, the house suffers and my garden suffers. All the things that make me who I am and happy and relaxed suffer. So back to the exercise I guess I'm going to have to work on evening exercise and do what I can when I can. I'm also working on being more productive in my work day so I don't need to bring so much home.

So yep broken record kind of shit there.

Umm whatelse? Well there's been this run of BFP's on the forum I'm part of. BFP's from people who joined like 2 weeks ago and this is there firstish month trying for their second kind of thing. Semi jealous but also glad they don't have to deal with what I do. Also makes me a bit sad that people are on there for their second who came and went in my time on there. Makes me sad that I've been on there for SO long. I feel like a granny of the forum world. Yep I've met so wonderful girls in there, in fact I've not met someone I didn't like but I want out already. I used to think I wouldn't join those 'due' forums they have but maybe I will when its my turn. I've sat here for so long waiting to be part of that team or at least having the option that now I might. Always thought that once I was pregnant that I would attempt to put the horrible infertility experience behind me, not forget mind you and not abandon those still there, but just move on and live like a normal person without all the pent up sadness, anger and hurt that this journey has given me. Now I think perhaps my thoughts have changed.

Anywho enough of that pessimistic crap.

Time I had dinner and actually did my school work. Might even down load some circle and bloom to keep me going!