As the weekend has wore on we're getting our head around the future outlook of our journey. We've had some conversations around what our next steps involve and what may lie ahead.
One conversation around donor sperm had the Fella telling me that he didn't think paying $13,000 to get some other guys sperm in me was the go and that I should just line up a suitable candidate and do it the old fashion way. When asked whether that would mean me being kicked to the kerb, he reckons not because that might just be the way to get pregnant for us. I'm not so sure lol. Then he started suggesting people we know who could be donors.
He has lots of questions about what treatment there might be etc so I've been doing a little bit of googling and have explained a few things to him best I can. Luckily he's pretty open to most things so far which surprised me because I thought he might put up the wall and call it quits on the whole thing. Guess it just shows that he does really care about me and wants me to be happy.
I'm hoping ICSI through IVF will be an option for us and that retrieval will be possible. I am continually amazed at what things they can do these days. Asked the Fella when it came to IVF how many would he consider putting back in and I had to laugh because it was a resounding ONE lol. Then on reflection he said that if we put in two then called it quits once we had them that might be ok. I did point out twins are risky, not to mention full on. I think that even though I have a little bit of a 2 for the price of one thought that in reality 1 would be plenty thank you. I know I keep going on about the money but in reality publicly funded treatment here has a 12mth long waiting list (or so I gather from forums etc) so even if we are eligible for public I'm going to push for private treatment in the mean time. You're allowed to do private while you wait for public treatment and just get bumped if you are successful.
I also did minor research on adoption. There's quite a bit of 'who-ha' going on here at the moment because our adoption laws are from the 1950's and VERY outdated. Couples cannot adoption unless married. Gay couples and ones like us cannot adopt together and only one of the couple can do so. Then there's the fact that something like 58 babies were adopted last year. Bugger all. Luckily there is no age limit so for us we'd just get married to cover our bases.
So yeah am starting to feel a little less helpless. I still get emotional about telling my family our current situation so I haven't yet. Part of me wants to wait until we know more but then they should really know because they're my support system. No doubt mum will ask at some point and I just want to be strong enough to have that conversation without turning into a puddle of tears.
AF arrived yesterday so it will be interesting to see what I'm like come ov. I guess it takes the pressure right off our sex life which is nice.
Anywho time to go xx
I like the tone of this post. It sounds like you both are starting to get your head around things. Knowledge, as dangerous as it can be, is also quite empowering. You're a rock star! xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks a million chick!!! Knowledge is empowering for sure. Thanks so much for all the support xx
DeleteI have just read your last few posts. What a big week you guys have had. I'm pleased you guys are finally getting some answers and able to start looking forward.
ReplyDeleteWe have 2 children via donor sperm (girl 5 and boy 13 months) and its been the best thing ever. I was able to get pregnant using IUI and we didn't have to pay for the cycles to have our daughter and then paid $1500 per cycle to conceive our son (took 4 cycles). My husband struggled to accept his infertility earlier on and once he got some professional help he really moved forward. He is the very best Dad ever to our kids and people who don't know about our situation have no idea our children are donor-conceived. I just wanted to let you know how positive we have found it having a family via donor sperm. I remember this quote I read when we first found out about needing to use donor sperm "it wasn't our ideal way of having a family but it is our ideal family"
Maryanne
Thanks for sharing your story. I will take that quote with me to continue our journey as you never know what the next little while holds for us.
DeleteOh Kiwi! I can not believe I have missed reading your updates this week. I wish I could just fly over there and hug your neck.
ReplyDeleteAs you know I can honestly say I've been in this place and understand your feelings. I hope that for you there is less anger and more peace with knowing that the end is not here, just a tougher journey that will cost more and take longer.
I am so proud of your Fella for getting his test done, sticking with you through these results and talking with you about options. The options are not easy and those talks suck ass, but if he is still there and present then that is one good step forward for both of you. There will have to be more tests for him so keep encouraging him and thanking him for taking this step with you.
The urologist apointment was a big one for us. I hope that they can give you some options and anwsers on Why.
I will be anxious to hear what more they have to tell you and hope that this test was just is the worst you have.