Its not the end

Its not the end so why do I feel so yuck?

Is it because when I told the Fella just because none came out that it didn't mean there wasn't any full stop that he did that little laugh people do like you don't believe a word you're saying?

Is it because the nurse gushed over his results thinking he'd had the most successful vascetomy they'd seen?

Is it because I'm afraid the Fella is willing to just stop right here at this point and no bother pursuing it further?

Is it because I know in my heart of hearts adoption will never happen and neither will sperm donorship?

Is it because I don't know how I'm going to live my life if this IS the end?

Is is because I don't know if I can pursue a life childless and still love the one I've given my heart and soul to?

Is it because i'm terrified of what the future holds for us?

Time - its the only answer I've got.