Before I begin I'd like to ask anyone reading this to reserve their judgment. I always welcome comments of any kind - your opinion is that.....yours. But right now I don't think I can take judgment. I'm not even saying that anyone has ever done that I'm just putting it out there.
Today didn't go well. No results because there was no test. Too much pressure so nothing resulted. And believe me when I say we / he genuinely tried. Like until it got to the point where calling it quits was the best thing for all involved. The more we tried the more wound up the whole situation became until it was clear that it wasn't going to happen.
I've pretty much cried since then. Driving around town doing the bits and pieces we had to do I'd sporadically have tears dripping from under my sunnies. While waiting for him to get his haircut I had to stifle my sobs. Looking out the window driving home tears fell from my face. I had to drop him off as he a job to go do then I drove home and cried some more. Got home and in the mail was a b'day card and gift from Mum a week early. I opened it and it said "May all your wishes come true" and I bawled and bawled. Big loud sobs escaped my body.
I've cried till I've got a headache and yet I still don't feel better. I feel sick.
I told him I was sorry. That I shouldn't have put so much pressure on. He told me it wasn't my fault that it just wasn't happening. I don't want him to feel bad or inadequate or whatever men feel at a time like this.
He said last night that he thinks that if he couldn't have kids that he'd be best to let me go because he knows I wouldn't live without them. I wish he didn't feel like that. I told him that was silly and I didn't want him to do that....ever.
Eek things are in such a mess. Today couldn't have gone worse if it tried.
Help me. How do I move past this? How do we get to a point where he will get tested and we can move forward? What do I here people?
I don't want to turn this into more than it needs to be but I'm so frustrated. Do I just chalk it up to bad experience and carry on like nothing happened?
Whatever the case I have to dig deep into the last pit of strength I have left to get myself moving forward I know that much.
First of all, I need to send you love and great big hugs. Once again, I wish I could be physically there than having to do this virtual bullcrap. But this freaking giant ocean keeps getting in the way. But if you are ever in my hood I am going to hunt you down like a crazy stalker woman and give you that big hug. And that is all because words don't cut it.
ReplyDeleteYour bloke is a lot like my bloke. He wavers under pressure. Unlike us, they can't just fake it if they don't feel like it. I think sex is much harder on them especially seeing as society's view is that men have this insatiable sexual appetite. Often the other way around.
I guess I would ask about the situation. When we did it we did everything like we were going the whole way. We pretty much did but when it came to finishing off, he got out and I got hands on to finish him and he did the catching. It was easiest to pretend like we weren't there to collect and we were there BD like it was the right time of the month. (Couldn't quite pretend it was for giggles).
Would the kind of simulation help? Is he better off locking himself in the room by himself to do the deed so he can just focus on him on his man bits? Would just a little alcohol help him feel more amorous? Is he a porn dude? Is there anything else that helps to get him off that can come into play? Would it be easier for him wear a condom and finish in you and then submit that? (Depends on your clinic of course). If you used the outpatient clinic, would it be better to stick with your motel room and then do the old cup in the bra trick. (Yeah, that's how we did it).
Is it a bad experience. Yup. It is like any other time where there has been no win in the sack. Difference this time is that there was a truck load of hope and expectation attached. Do you need to look at your options to do better next time? Yup. Do you carry on like nothing happened? Stronger woman than I if you can. Give yourself the time to grieve it and reasses. Talk to him if you can as well. Attack it again? Absolutely. But not while you're feeling this. xxx
Urgh. I'm so sorry about this. I think ignoring it wouldn't help things. But try not to make too big a deal of what happened. I think it's normal, it happens. If I remember correctly your man isn't much of a talker so perhaps do a search for some male-perspective IF blogs for him to read?
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough one. But you'll get through it. I know this can't be easy. But take a deep breath. One step at a time.
Huuuge hugs!
Oh no! I'm so sorry! I totally understand the devastation, but I also understand the pressure he must have been feeling. I wish you guys didn't have to do an over night trip... way too much "this has to happen NOW". With my husband he was able to just drive to the clinic by himself and take care of it. I imagine he was much more relaxed than your hubby.
ReplyDeleteI have no advice, but maybe it you do it again, don't go with him? I know you try to be supportive and help, but sometimes I think it's easier for them to go it alone.