Sluggish

Its just the period hormones but I feel sluggish today. Its a sunny day out and normally I feel energised by that, however today not so much. I've got lists as long as my arm of things that need doing around here. I know I've got like a month to get them done but naturally I want to get cracking so I can start relaxing in earnest.

I have lots swirling around in my mind. My neighbour who knows our situation and is the one who prayed for me earlier in the year popped in to visit and we ended up having a long discussion about all that stuff. Now I kinda feel sad. But that's just the period hormones. I know in a couple days I'll be ok again.

The other thing on my mind and its really stupid is the fact that a friend has invited me to her house for a drink tonight. Its just a casual invitation with no expectation behind it. We have great fun together so I want to go. And given where I'm at (eg day 1 Af) I feel like a little let me hair out release. What's bothering me is the guilt. The 'girlfriend guilt' I would liken it to 'mummy guilt' (if I knew first hand what that was like). Its nothing the Fella does or says (ok maybe says but I know he's only giving me shit and doesn't mean it) but I sometimes get the guilts about going out in the evening. I'm an empathetic person I can't help it. I feel bad about going out when he's been working from dawn til dusk every possible moment. I feel bad when he has to make his own dinner after doing a day like this because he doesn't eat well when he does that. I feel bad because I don't think I'm doing a good job as a housewife when I do that. I KNOW that I'm being stupid by the way. I know it doesn't really bother him most of the time. I wish I could learn to just not feel bad about going out. I guess because at the moment we barely see each other so I like to be home when he gets home to spend time with him.
On the one hand I should go out because he regularly doesn't get home until dark anyway so I end up spending the nights alone anyway ( I call myself the spraying widow lol) but on the other hand knowing him the one night I go out he will come home early!

So in conclusion...lol....I think this is what I will do the ease the guilt. I will cook his dinner for him before I go. That way he comes home to meal....which I know will keep him happy because he's a man who thinks with his stomach.

And that's my plan. I feel a lot better now actually. Think I'll go mow the lawns.