Tomorrow will be CD1.
I've decided that since all my posts seem to be going round in circles right now that I need to take a blog break. It will be hard. I'm kinda addicted. Blogging is my saviour. Don't worry I will still read and to those who follow me I will be back. I'm aiming for 2wks off posting.
All I want to do is curl up and cry right now. But crying doesn't solve anything. At least the Fella is perceptive enough to know and has been lovely. Thats another issue. The Fella. The issue being testing and lack of. I plan on tackling that too. 2years is a joke with no testing on the man side of this relationship. Probably not tackling that today though my emotions aren't in control. I need them to be in control if I'm to achieve anything there.
And my appt with the Felicity had to be put out a week. Was kinda hanging onto that as something to look forward to when AF arrived. Oh well.
Oh and my cousin posted her 17.5 wk bump picture and scan pics and bassinet pics on FB. I'd already decided to take my blog break but that just added insult to injury. Its not her fault. I hate that I can't enjoy her excitement. I hate that I'm so jealous. My status today was closest I've come to revealing this all "Meh. I'm over it" and I hate that when she asked what the matter was I couldn't even be honest. She's my best friend and I can't be honest.
Hmmmm.
I'm sorry this post has been all over the show. I'm tired as a mofo and my head is actually all over the place.
I will bid you farewell for now.
I'll be back in good time.
-great big hugs- XXXX
ReplyDeleteIt's a seriously evil game this one. It is all consuming. Heart and soul. There are few things which cause us to be blanketed and smothered by jealousy. This is one of them for sure...
Ya know though, I think you're a little bit harsh on yourself re: circular posting. TTC involves a menstrual cycle with the same set of events repeating themselves until such time as pregnancy is found. So if you're gonna blog about a repeating topic then you can pretty well expect the same thoughts, feelings and processes to repeat as well. I don't really think there is any avoidin that. I'll also add that while you may feel like things are on repeat, you are evolving as is your approach and attitude towards TTC and pregnancy and the future etc. Go back to your first few ever blog posts and you'll see what I mean. :-) Just some food for thought.
Look after yourself.
Xxx
I know I don't comment a lot, mostly because I read a lot of blogs via my iphone and for some reason when I try to reply to blogger accounts my iphone fritzes, deleting my comment.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, all that to say that I think about you!!! I am so sorry you are feeling so depressed, frustrated and exhausted. Take this break, but don't just sit around, getting stuck in your brain circles, you know? Get out, get fresh air, read a good book. And yes, do talk to your Fella, that was a difficult thing for Hubster to do but I appealed to his "rational, logical" way of thinking that is stereotypical of men. Usually the most common issue is a low sperm count, and in the grand scheme of things that is a really easy thing to address. I will think calm, soothing thoughts for both of you.
***HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS***