:( :( :(

I know I'm double posting which is a bit ott but I just have to get it out before I try to sleep tonight.

I started spotted tonight mid-xmas party. I can't say I'm surprised whatsoever. I was surprised it took so long to arrive is all. The lessening nipple pain was a dead giveaway. CD1 tomorrow. This was a 35 day cycle. WTF?

I think I'm at the point now where I'm SOOOOO over this whole deal that I can't even cry! I want to cry but my eyes are dry. The disappointment is overwhelming right now. What if it NEVER happens? What in the heck am I going to do? Where is the point of my life if I can't do this one thing?

Now I have to face the next cycle knowing that I have to sit it out.

And I have this added stress of the man of the house. He went to work at 6am and slogged away till 4.30pm in the heat then gapped it straight after that work to drive an hour to do more work elsewhere and he's doing to do it all again tomorrow. This is hard, manual, tiring farm labour he's doing. Its now dark and getting late and he's not home. I HATE it when this happens. I hate not knowing where he is or when he's going to be home. It freaks me out to no end (oops the tears might come now..). It makes sleep almost impossible because I just strain to hear his truck come up the road. I wish he didn't have to work so hard and so much all the time.

Urgh why do I get so stressed out? No point stressing about the things I cannot change I suppose. Just gotta take what life throws at ya...whatever that may be.