I am my own worst enemy

Now before I start this post I would like to make it clear that no body is perfect. Both my fella and I are not saints and don't claim to be so please don't judge on my story below...I need to clear my mind and this is where I can do it.



I say I am my own worst enemy basically because I have that great womanly ability to overthink things. My mind goes into over drive over stupid things.



Monday afternoon/night my fella and friends had drinks and evidently got drunk. I had to go to a meeting so left them to it and said I would pick said fella up when got back. By the time I arrived to pick him up he was VERY drunk. I don't see him that drunk that often. God knows what got into him but he was acting crazy. Not so good crazy ie funny crzy but more like full on or intense. I don't really want to go into specifics as, although its all ok now, its still a little raw for me. It really shook me up. I've never seen him so intense. One minute he's professing how much he loves me then telling me he's going to end up treating me like shit (rah blah blah) and that he wasn't dumping me but I need to go live my life I will go far, I'm a great girl etc, then it went onto how he's sick of working so hard to get ahead and wants to cruise. WTF?

As you can imagine I was very upset. I realise that sounds rather sane but add alcohol and an aggressive voice and manner and it becomes a whole other level.

Now don't worry he did not do anything to me whatsoever.

Anywho I was in tears and was thinking WTF etc etc??? Totally blindsided by it all. I knew he was drunk but at the same time this whole 'what the hell will I do' scenario flew through my mind. I've lived with this guy for 4 years...our lives are moulded together whether we like it or not.

So then he decides he wants to go cruising to the neighbours (1km up the road) and as I took the keys to the vehicles but not the ATV he gets on that and goes..he by this stage was on a totally different tangent to the above so I was gleefully invited along for the ride. I declined and off he roared. I was devastated.



I didn't know what to do with myself. I mean the guy had pretty much let me go...he loved me to bits but I was better off without him. It came out of no where and he was expecting me to start my life again. I know a man is not all I am but you get my train of though huh?



Anyway just over an hour later he arrived home. Totally different. Quite ok. No sign of the man who had left.

We went to bed. He was all loving and stuff. He cuddled me as he slept..he doesn't do that unless he's really pissed. I lay awake or slept fitfully.



The first thing he said when he woke up "How did I get home?".

I could have SCREAMED! I calmly asked if he remembered anything. He didn't. I told him that he had me in tears because he said some really mean shit. Before I even started to tell him he told me to not believe any of it...in that kind voice you have when you've had a bender and just 'know' you've been a dick. I told him what he said, well the jeist of it. He had to go away for work yesterday so I've had all this time to myself.

I felt relieved but then my overactive mind kept thinking 'what if there's something wrong and he won't tell me" or something to that effect. I know I'm being nuts. I really think he's totally stressed out and doesn't realise it and that outburst was his release.



I can say one thing...it gave this girl a fright and definately has encouraged me to appreciate the man I have even more!!



Ahh the joys of drunken boyfriends.