Falling in love...

I have been with my darling Fella for well on 11 years now.

I have been in love with him from very early on, although it probably took me some time to actually realise that. Our relationship has always been pretty good, there's been times for sure where I've wondered what the heck I'm doing of course and so has he no doubt. There have been times where I have questioned if he actually loves me or not. There has never been an question about my love for him.

If anything was going to break us it was the issues we've faces with ttc, especially when one wanted it more than the other. First it was not getting pregnant, then it was finding out there was an issue. Following that was the situation with using a donor. THAT was truly a testing moment in our relationship, one where he admitted he had thought of breaking up because he didn't want to be the one holding me back from having a family but he decided to go with it for me. At that point I knew if we could survive that we were pretty solid. So on we went to have treatments and a miscarriage and more treatment and still no babies. The universe kept testing our relationship, over and over, and we've got through those times ok.

Then we got to now. The REAL test of our strength. Being pregnant and getting on in the pregnancy was testing in itself, not necessarily in a bad way, just testing us in a different way. This was unchartered territory for us. The growing belly, the change in what our lives would be like. All the fears the Fella had around babies and growing bellies (not so into that part lol) were surfacing and we were dealing with that. But then that scan happened and those decisions were made and we had our baby girl sleeping.

And I fell in love more than I could ever be with him. I truly never thought I could love him more! As a result of this god awful experience we could not be stronger in our relationship. The day we found out we were going to lose her, he held me while I cried and just whispered that he wanted me to be happy. I told him I was happy, that our life was good, this moment was just sad. Every time he goes out he rings while he's gone to make sure I'm ok. When she was born he was straight into the room saying it's alright bubby (his special little name) and there were tears in his eyes. And then last night he came home from drinking with a buddy so was a bit tipsy but he held me and then told me how when he'd hung out with some other friends of ours and their kids the other day he'd got in the car to leave and it all began to hit him. He got thinking about it he said. He said that we should try again and explore other options of having children in our lives. The guy who at the beginning of this didn't want babies and children, suggested we try ivf for a 4th time!
And I fell in love again. Not because he suggested trying again but because he's shown me a side that I never thought I would see of him. He wanted this as much as I did.

I fell in love all over again. I will do anything for him now. If this experience has taught me anything sweating the small stuff takes up too much time. While we have each other, we'll be ok.

I fell in love all over again.....and my baby girl gave me that gift.