Nightmare

Ugh.

This morning the Fella got up at 5am so of course I woke up too. I ended up going back to sleep which was fine until I had the world's worst nightmare!
Well for me it was a nightmare. It was later in my pregnancy and they had to do an emergency c-section and discovered twins. We're talking delivering very early so they were tiny. But in my nightmare I could barely focus on them (they weren't really the main theme of the thing clearly) all I could focus on was the fact they'd cut me in half (felt like) and that I was sure I was going to bleed to death! Like that was my whole freak out the whole time was that I was going to bleed to death. Eventually it calmed down but then I went from house to house, staying with people and not really having anywhere to stay. My babies were still in hospital and I had to express milk and deliver it.

It was random and weird. And I woke feeling really horrible.

I'll admit I am rather afraid of having to have a c-section. I know people who've had them will say it's not as bad as I'm potentially thinking it is. But what if they're just being kind?? I'm sure it must be damn painful and completely inconvenient (obviously not if it saves lives!). Anyway the thought of it scares me and I guess I'm going to have to do some work around my thoughts on that whole aspect just in case that's me in July!

And how about those hormones people?!
Well, well, well. Up until yesterday I thought I was coping pretty well with not having too many mood swings etc but oh how I was served a good one. Man I had PMS on SPEED. I was just so fucked off at any little thing that existed to annoy me yesterday. Then I cried for a ridiculous reason. Like a flood of tears, couldn't stop, puffy eyes cried. Thankfully the Fella found it hilarious rather than annoying, otherwise it could've been 90 times worse that it was.
And also thankfully I'm feeling 100% brighter today, also less tired and out of sorts.

So that's us (12wks3days) Scan tomorrow, which I was hoping like crazy the Fella would be able to come to but it's possible he won't be able to make this one which is disappointing but can't be helped.