Last Day of Bliss

Today was my very last day of holiday bliss. The last day to do as I really please. Enjoy the sun. Clean the house. Sleep late. Ya know all those holiday things.

Tomorrow is the start of a call-back week at work. Meaning we 'have' to be in at school for meetings and the like. Then next Monday the kids return and that's life for the next 10mths or so.
Back to the routine of 5 days a week. Scratching myself out of bed at 5.30am. Feeling guilty about not exercising (Like today and every day this past month when I look at my body - only have myself to blame).

I'm torn. I love the money coming in (of course). I have kind of liked going in last week and getting things sorted for the term and getting excited about learning and teaching. I don't love the stress that comes. The tie on my time. The busy-ness that ensues from now till December. I liked being a lady of leisure and actually having the time to catch up with friends properly. Being able to say 'yep' I will join you on this and that adventure.
I did get bored at times. And felt really lazy. I did have good reason. I was recovering from an operation. Tomorrow I'm back into the exercise routine. I will go for a walk in the morning. Hopefully the next day I will manage to get to the gym to cycle or to the pool to swim.
Later in the week it gets full on organising things for the bbq we're cooking at the local agriculture show. Like I said full on.

Its ok though. I'm great at doing busy. And I just keep telling myself....next year it will be different. I've told myself that three times before and it wasn't but this time it will be. 13 may be unlucky for some but for me it is going to be good. I was born in '83 it is only natural that my child will be born in '13. Nothing is a given but I know I will be pregnant this year. I know it.

I'm going through a process of changing my mindset about this. I still think about this whole thing and have it in my mind that it won't work. I sometimes forget that 'we' have infertility not 'me'. There is no plausible reason why I can't get UTD just as easily as my friends have before me. This will happen to me just like it has happen to them.

This is what I hope and dream for.