The Appointment

Today was our specialist appointment.

I went in with really not much idea what to expect other than I knew there would be examinations. And I was right.

Apparently I have a good incubator which means my uterus is shaped the right way and the like. My ovaries are fine and he even showed me the follicles that were starting to grow for this cycle. I found it all very interesting.

The Fella has a physical exam of his 'bits' which all seemed to be in working order. Dr couldn't feel any blockage or anything out of the ordinary which is good. We'd only managed to get the Fella's bloods done this morning due to his work schedule not matching our local GP's hours of blood drawing this week so we whipped into the lab in the city this morning hoping they'd have it done by our appt. Unfortunately they hadn't despite the form having urgent and fax by 12.15pm splashed all over it. They hadn't even processed the bloody thing when the Dr rang them to see. Not to worry that's the risk we took be leaving it late. He's going to call us next week with the results of that.
Naturally he didn't really have many answers as to why the Fella wasn't producing sperm. He offered some theories one being that environmental factors like smoking (the fella smokes) and the fact he's a spray contractor using agricultural sprays could be likely contributors. This is something we had definitely considered and had in the back of the mind so it wasn't a new thing to us. He did say that in that kind of case the sperm can have a chance of rejuvenating. Although for us I doubt that will happen because I can't see the Fella cutting smoking and well spraying is the livelihood which keeps us in our house.
He also said that sometimes there can be a few, like 1 or 2, sperm could be in a sample but due to the sheer volume and then the minute size of sperm its like looking for a needle in a haystack and can be missed. This scenario would be great cos that means there's sperm to be had its a case of getting them.

So that is the nuts and bolts of our appointment. In a nutshell came away a little bit unsure of what next but that should become more clear next week.

I'm hopeful there are some sperm there and the hormone test is good because I'm not so sure now that the Fella will take donor sperm that well. I know he'll do his best to work on the idea for my sake....he's been so good so far for a man lol.

On other news hadn't spoken to my family since I left from my visit in the holidays (where I heard my brothers news). Not due to any ill feeling more time got away on us all and I finally had a free night to ring. Realised that this whole 'going to be an Aunty before a mother thing' is going to be harder to move forward from than I thought and I found talking to my Mum about what my brother was up to was HARD. Bit like the elephant in the room kind of thing. REALLY hard in fact. Hard not to come across bitter or cry. Today she rang to see how our appointment went and lo and behold they had their 12wk scan today. Jeez louise. Things are all good but I found it hard to say this without coming across fake. Argh!!

Earlier in the week we also discussed Xmas plans. They're keen to come here but she didn't know what her work would be like. I said they were welcome here but I probably wouldn't come home this year. Haven't spent xmas with the Fella for over 2 years so thought it'd be best I did and as selfish as it sounds I don't think I can face the pregnant belly and all that. Dumb aye? No doubt my brother will be hanging with her family. They're moving back from Auz in November.

I know that once this kid arrives I will be forever the doting Aunty. Just the other day I was in a shop with the most stunning mobiles and I began thinking about how I could get one for my neice or nephew and probably will so that's a step forward. I don't know if this makes sense but despite this being my only brothers (only siblings) baby I kind of feel because I've only met her once and barely know her that I won't be able to really involved in this kids life like an aunty should be. Or like a kid loving aunty like myself would be. Does anyone get what I mean? I feel like I might be intruding or something.

Who knows just have to wait and see.