8wks 5days

I've officially passed the point of my last pregnancy which concluded at our first scan 7wks6days. Well at least I presume things are going ok. I mean how can you actually know until the next scan huh?
I keep reminding myself that there's no reason to think that at my next scan things won't be ok. Last time I was measuring behind by at least a week. This time I was bang on and have a heartbeat. I keep telling myself that chances after seeing a heartbeat are 5% of a loss.

My first midwife appointment is tomorrow. I have no idea what to expect at all. I know she's going to talk about the test at the 12wk mark and what we might like to do.
I still feel like I'm playing some game and at any moment the cat's out of the bag and it's a joke.

We've told a few close people our news and it doesn't get old seeing/hearing people's reactions that's for sure. Again though I feel like some imposter and that this isn't happening to me. Silly I know. I guess it'll change in time and is only normal after suffering so long with the hope to get this far. When you've been soooo focussed on getting that elusive positive what comes after is totally unchartered territory. Scary territory. I feel so knowledgeable about how to get pregnant, ivf etc and although I've read ALOT of things about babies, pregnancy etc I find myself in a totally unknown world and sort of feel like ,because I've wanted this so long, I should just 'know' stuff.

Yes I realise I'm being a bit stupid.

Stupid seems to be a theme right now. I always scoffed at this whole 'mummy' brain thing and no offence to anyone intended but I thought pfft just an excuse! BUT oh how karma is biting my butt. It truly is a thing and shitballs its crazy. I dunno whether it's the tiredness or constant battle with feeling sick and the need to eat ALL THE TIME (and then the mental battle about eating ALL  THE TIME) but man the brain just doesn't function like it once did. Yesterday I was getting groceries and as you do put my 6 pack of yoghurts over the side of the trolley. Got to the checkout and swung in too close to the counter which meant the trolley got stuck a bit so without thinking I just gave it a good pull and hello totally smooshed the pack of yoghurts EVERYWHERE. I was mortified!!! But the checkout chick just laughed and said it happens all the time. And then  a lady pulled in behind my, smiled and commented how she's done the exact same thing.
What a doosh! And I'm sure there's other dumb things I've done purely because I simply cannot think straight.

Yesterday was a killer all round to be fair. I had to take my car to the city for a service and while there did my xmas shopping. Am pretty sure it's driving that makes me feel disgusting because I have felt pretty good on the days I haven't driven since school ended. Anywho so I did my shopping in between finding food to feed my face with all day. I was tired before I left so by the time I got home I was completely rooted. To the point that I pleaded not to cook dinner because I just could not face cooking steak. (Make that any beef right now - does NOT appeal). So I ended up making a slap dash dinner...again (another story in itself). Lay on the couch dying until I finally dragged myself to bed. Woke up ok and once I had my toast this morning I was pretty amazing all day really. Am glad for this as I cannot function with every day being like yesterday.

The Fella, I must say, has been super lovely about all this slackness and sick feeling. He loves winding me up about wanting to have sex which is just adorable. Considering he is so not in love with the pessary mess it makes me laugh when he gets cheeky. But he's so understanding about me not being on form otherwise it makes me love him even more. I am lucky.

Anywho that's me for now. And as much as I sound like a moaner (something I said I wouldn't be...eek!!!) I am stoked to be where I am and loving what the future has in store for us.