A quick review of the year that was 2014.
January - ivf # 1 resulted in two frosties.
March - grandmother has fall and is in hospital.
April - FET 1 resulted in chemical pregnancy.
May - FET 2 resulted in BFP. Grandmother dies.
June - bfp becomes missed miscarriage of twins.
July - d&c.
October - ivf #2 resulted in one frostie.
December - FET 2 resulted in chemical pregnancy.
Yes it is safe to say I'm am rather glad we are saying goodbye to that year. What a mother of a shit year it was. Especially when you look at it in list form!
It's taken me awhile to actually muster up the ability to write this post after the last failed FET. It hit me really hard. I felt so gutted, I feel so gutted. In fact I think I'm actually numb. I refuse to think ahead more than a few months because I'm too scared to try and imagine my life without kids. And there's certainly been what's the point moments for sure. Like I want to know what is my purpose in life? Surely my life is meant to be more than working for 40years serving other peoples children.
I have an appt with my specialist on 5th Feb to review and discuss a next step. I will save up and do a third ivf if that's what's recommended. It won't happen til later in the year because I need to spend time getting myself back. It is no lie that 2014 scarred me and changed me for life. January is going to be hard as I have several friends due around the same time as me as in within days.
Another 2 friends are due June/July. I've become immune to it now.
I'm thinking about adoption but not sure there's much point since very few children are adopted here (maybe 8-10 a year!). Guess it's something to have in the background.
Maybe somewhere somehow a baby will magically come my way. Who knows....
For now I'm learning to be me again without all the stress of ttc weighing me down.
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