They have the baby. They cry and laugh and their lives change for the better.
They have the baby.
I just made a big mistake. I should never have watched it. I love that show and I've avoided it since the miscarriage for obvious reasons but I let myself and it was a mistake.
The last lady had had two mc and lost a son. She was hysterical when her boy was born then watching her lose it when she held him broke me and I shed a tear. I just could feel that emotion through the screen.
And some of my emotion started to bubble up. I want my babies back! It hurts to think about it so I just don't. But I so badly want them back. I didn't even 'bond' with two but now I want 'them' back. Stupid body!
Doesn't help I also made the mistake of lurking in the due thread. Big big big mistake. It's like torturing myself.
I just want to switch my brain off, wipe it clean and get my innocence back. Generally I'm ok and I will survive but sometimes I feel like I'm just balancing. I can't seem to settle or relax half the time. Little things hang on my mind. Things like being able to relax and enjoy a drink with friends, I just want to let loose and can but I look to the future and I can't plan in my head anything. I'm floating aimlessly. Things like what I eat and drink and how that affects my weight. I've worked so hard to lose weight in the past year. So many people have commented that I don't want to lose that so then every time I eat bad or have a drink I start to stress.
Good grief I sound ridiculous but I've got to get it out or I'll go mental.
Gah!!! Bring on some sunshine and my new cycle (bit hard when hcg is still at 8).
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