Where's it at.

It would appear I've neglected to blog for quite some time. Purely because things have been busy and sometimes if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.

I've been working through the frustration of having to wait. I'm having moments of just wishing for christ sakes that I was pregnant. Especially with the bazillion BFP's on the forum I belong to along with the constant 'am I? aren't I? talk in there. I feel like screaming at them sometimes but its only because I have lost hope, I know too much for my own good. So I shush and not read them.

Last week I had my HSG. Doctor who did it said it was fine. My tubes ejected that dye like they should do. It was probably the most painless epxerience in terms of my what-sit in quite a while so I was pleasantly surprised. I rang to talk to the specilist. An appt was not made however he would ring when he had a moment. He rang on Monday, and I was in transit from work, my cell out of coverage and obviously not home to answer the phone. This means that I need to now wait until the 16th! Grrr annoyed much.

Alas I am learning to be patient. I am learning to look forward, not back. Think about the smaller milestones, not the big ones. I'm focussing on other things.

Thankfully I've been busy as so that's not been so hard. I have been flat out with netball and school. I have a student teacher with me at present so that's busy. I have catering jobs and such like. I'm looking for a new job so have sharpened my CV so its ready to rumble. One thing I've decided in the past week is that regardless I need to get another job at another school. I'll deal with the issues that brings when I have to but for myself I need to get out. And like a good friend said its probably half the reason things aren't happening. And now I've made that decision I'm just hanging in there. Literally. The next few months are going to be hard.

Then I have my garden. Such sweet therapy is my garden. I want to spend every spare moment in there. Enjoying the sun, digging, just getting on with my life.

What else? The life of someone not ttc, just waiting for her moment to shine is pretty boring.

Sometimes I just want someone to come along and magically make it all better. I want the longing and hurt to be over. But strangely I never want to forget this feeling so that when I have a baby I never want to take it for granted!