Overdue update

Hmm so where to begin?

In all honesty there hasn't been that much going on in the past 5 wks really. Work was insanely busy right up until the end of term and I was ready to chuck in some of my other life commitments as there seems to be so much on. Of course now we're on school holidays life seems easier until  I start back working again.

I guess one thing to discuss here is the fact we're in the midst of ivf take 2. With some resounding luck timing has meant we can do the worst of it in the holidays so took the bull by the horns and went ahead.
Things are going well. Doing the colorado protocol which at this stage is aspirin then starting other drugs after egg collection. Lower gonal dose this time however scan yesterday shows that I'm trending towards a similar outcome to last time (OHSS) which means it will likely be a freeze all cycle. Bit disappointed but at least I know that now not the day I turn up for harvesting.
So scan showed 10 over 10mm and pretty much the same sizes as my first cycle at this point - how bizarre huh. Another scan tomorrow then likely trigger Tuesday collection Thursday.

Injecting is ok the morning one smarts something wicked and I hate it so can't wait till that one's done. Evening one is ok.

Must say I'm just going through the motions not thinking past ec at this stage. No point getting my hopes up to be utd by xmas cos we all know that will probably not happen knowing my run of luck. I get a little anxious that I'm just chucking $13,000 hard earned cash at a pipe dream but what can I do? I have to at least try.

If it doesn't work. If we get to 'that' point I'm booking myself a counsellor for a start then an overseas trip. I need something to keep me going. To make my life worth living. I'm trying to imagine life without children and figure what my purpose is so that if I get to that point I will have some sort of coping tool. But really how do you get through that? Like honestly?
Right now I'm not in the place to full unpack the implications of this path if my life takes it but I will face facts at some stage.

For now I'm going to try to keep positive about it all.

In other news aside from the polar blast we had this week (snow included) spring has sprung and that always warms the heart. I've been busy getting the garden in shape and the house too. Been a bit chilly to venture outside in the past couple days but fingers crossed before Thursday we might see some sun so I can do some outside jobs.

Visited my parents last week and that was amazing r&r. Reading my book in the sun (they had sun at their place) and generally just chilling out did me the wonders.

And pretty much that is my life. Perhaps I'll update tomorrow after my scan who knows.